Goodbye 2019

End of 2019

The year has come to a close. I am in tears just by taking a look back at everything that has gone by in just less than 12 months. The pain has been immense and so has been the joy. I decided to write this post to reflect on the year 2019 has been for me and what I have experienced in 2019.

2019 taught me hard lessons about life and death. I lost my grandmother on the 24^th of February. She had been battling diabetes which led to a stroke that affected one side of her body. The last time I remember seeing her alive and healthy was back in 2010 when our grandpa passed on. Since that time, we had been seeing each other once in a while and she met my son last year when we paid her a visit. The pain of losing a loved one is immense.

Granny was the kindest and the best. We would run to her house as early as dawn just to spend time with her. I will always remember the stories she would share with us and even her warm food. She was generous and loving and she was hard working. She taught me how to knit- a skill that I am always grateful for up to date.

Forward to April fool’s day 2019- the day made a total fool out of me. My cousin passed on at the age of 28. He was a father of two and he had just remarried. The death took us by surprise as he suffered acute pancreatitis which was misdiagnosed and led to his untimely death. I am still learning how to adjust to his absence in my thoughts and in my words.

8^th April was another hard horrific day for us. On our way to our cousin’s burial early morning at around 6.50 Am we plunged into a ditch. I have never been in an accident and I can tell you I am still scared from the incident. Dad was driving when he reversed the car and it hit a bump that made the car lose control and fall into the ditch. We climbed out of the car as some passersby held the car in place and Dad could not get out till we all did. I remember first coming out while I took out my two year old son and his cousin who is a year older. Just when we were all out and safe the car plunged deeper into the ditch and we had to find another car to get to the burial which was four hours away.

The good part about the year has been moving on. I had a hard time letting go of my past. My previous relationship ended dramatically. Parenting with an ex is hard especially when they assume zero responsibility. This year I have learned how to adjust to everything. I personally take that as growth as there has been too much tension in the past which was unnecessary.

Work has never been easy to find but this year it has been completely impossible. Have you ever been turned down too many times to even keep count? That has been me. Landing clients for writing projects and work was too hard especially for the last two months. Job interviews did not amount to anything. Let’s hope 2020 will be better.

Parenting is something you have to learn over and over again. Your child will teach you things that you never knew and introduce you to a whole new life. This year has been a good learning experience for my son and I. We have grown together. He taught me how to be happy again. The hugs are good compensation for the days when I do not know how to keep on living. The kisses remind me that I have a precious gift. I pray that this coming year I will be able to do more for my son.

Fails

There are quite a number of instances that I can describe as failures. I missed so many goals which are mostly financial due to the limited work. I feel that I should have done better in ensuring that the goals were met either way. Here are the things that I did not accomplish this year.

• Plans to move out this year.
• I planned to grow my blog
• Work on issues concerning my faith

Though the year was hard, I have learned how to take it a day at a time. It was never easy. So many times I gave up and felt empty and lost. One important lesson I have come to learn is that sometimes things go wrong even when you have played your cards right and there isn’t much you can do.